San San Lam & @dianaetherington

No turning back #guiboratto #mobwives

A teaser from today’s shoot #mcm

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Crocodile Tears by LM Chabot from SNAP!’s Live Auction Preview #nopromo @artagallery @aidscommitteetoronto

Kings

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Daizy taught me ūüĎ≠

Yes, I did just go thereūüíÉ‚úĆÔłŹ

A Master Cleanse Diary… aka starving myself for the greater good of my health and body and crap.

Who: Me, myself and I. Doing it solo.

When:¬†I would have started January 1st but that would have meant I wouldn’t be eating for Xmas (Orthodox) and grams would not even hear it‚Ķnot that she is pleased with my ‘starving myself’ for ten days. She’s actually pretty upset with me and has not seen me since I’ve begun…So I started January 9th.
Why:¬†I’m not doing this to lose weight. Yes, it will help speed up my fitness goal but I am doing this to clean my body from everything I’ve been consuming. From all the antibiotics&sugar to the shit ton of drugs&alcohol (I realize it’s essentially the same). My body needs to be free of toxins and I need to start clean so I can get back into my healthy eating habits I obeyed so religiously before I tore my fucking calf apart. Another bonus is that my enormous digestive tract aka my appetite of a whale, shrinks back to a normal size and I stop overeating.
How: Saltwater flush in the morning, lemon/maple/cayenne pepper & water whenever hunger strikes, and laxative tea before bed‚Ķaka famine mode‚Ķ.oops I meant I’m fasting.
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Day 3 (because I was too busy, distracted, at work and lazy to start logging at Day 1)
Morning
Feeling really light and empty. Not as much hungry as I have the desire to chew something. I also feel like I could sleep forever. But maybe that’s bcuz I haven’t “woken up” yet.¬†
The morning saltwater flush had me waking up earlier before work so I don’t shit myself on my way to work.¬†
The switch to senna tea from dandelion root tea last night definitely made a difference, and it kicked in within 4hrs. I originally started with dandelion root tea because my holistic nutritionist friend warned me about the severe cramping that comes with senna tea. And boy, was she right.
Tongue is definitely white as it is supposed to be…I think it went white sometime during the second day.
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As long as I stay distracted and pretend I’m in Africa or on an island with no food, I’ll manage.¬†
Tricking my mind is the ultimate key. The mind can be trained to do anything if one is willing to train it.
Day 4
All day was absolutely brutal. Maybe I smoked too much weed the night before‚Ķbut I had a terrible dinosaur of a headache all day. Although I can safely say I have always laughed at anyone who swears they get weed hangovers‚ĶI think this might have been just that, I apologize friends I’m a believer now. Regardless, I definitely need to increase my water intake. Considered tapping out at day 7, so I did some more research and apparently it gets to the actual cleanse after day 5. So what’s another few days? Time to man the fuck up. I think I only had 3 cups of juice‚Ķso that definitely didn’t help my headache.
Day 5
Halfway mark, wooooh.
Cravings for food are still there but it’s just mainly the desire to chew and be reminded of all the good tastes, sensations and just the good old culture that food brings. My stomach hurts a bit more, I find that I’m rumbling/cramping/running to the washroom long after the tea has been digested and the saltwater flushed‚Ķ
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Whats keeping me going right now: The thought of my body being clean and empty of all the bad stuff. That, and the fact that my thighs don’t touch anymore, lets be honest.
I’m also in a surprisingly good mood. I’m not feeling sassy at all which is very, very, strange.
Today I weigh in at 141 lbs, first time I’m checking my weight so I don’t know what I began at‚Ķbut lets say the last time I checked I was 145 - 150lbs? That seems about right.
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Ok so cravings are getting quite intense. I am craving food so bad, I cannot stop thinking about it. Oh my god. It also doesn’t help that I am spending a couple of hours a day browsing through recipes and food blogs and deciding what order I will be eating these new exciting recipes I have found. ¬†Despite this, I somehow seem to be more focused on and productive with my work.
Day 6
Cravings for food are extremely overwhelming. Have started having dreams about food and cheating the diet, after which I wake up in a panic‚ĶSo I have have no choice but to finish now. Being competitive and looking at this as a game really helps because I don’t like losing. If I quit now I still can’t jump right into eating whatever I want, my stomach would absolutely reject it. So at this point i’m in it to win it, no doubt.
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I’m down to 138.5 lbs which is not what I am trying to get at, because I think I’m mainly losing all of my muscle which is not my goal.
Apparently its water. 
The key to success here is to stay distracted (from eating) and keep your eyes on the prize. It also didn’t hurt to let those close to me know I’m doing this diet so they can root for me when I feel I am about to crash and burn.
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Mental note: Cravings are only temporary, just like this diet.
I’m learning that cravings are just cravings and they too shall pass. Not only for this diet, but in general. I have an eating problem where I don’t know when to stop and so I basically turn into a dog and eat until I pass out. Not even close to kidding. I’m that girl who won’t let the waiter take anyones unfinished meal, because I intend on eating all of it it‚Ķright after I finish my meal.
I’m also learning to trust no gas that might pass‚Ķrun to the washroom instead, and run fast.
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It’s 10pm and I’m at a solid 137lbs‚Ķ ¬†as if I lost 1.5lbs during the day‚ĶI think I’m going to be invisible soon. I don’t think I’ve ever weighed that before -but I also think my scale might be wrong. Either way I’m beginning to calculate the total weight lost(from day 5) and will figure out my actual weight later. I don’t really give a fuck about the number itself.
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I also haven’t smoked weed all day, so I guess i’m actually officially cleansing now.
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Side note: I’m a pretty sassy asshole by nature but apparently as of late my mother has noticed how much friendlier and not sassy I have been.
Day 7
Ohhhh my gawwwwwwwd I want to eat.
Funny though, with every craving I know there is no chance I am going to fold because of all the terrible things my body would do if I just started munching out. I’m basically torturing myself. I’m too strong minded to quit so here I am paying for it.
UGH.
That. and the fact that that Im on day fucking 7. Like what’s another 3 days??
I miss cooking.
Woke up at 5am with terrible cramping so I decided to skip the saltwater flush and just go straight to the juice.
¬†I’m also weighing at 134.5lbs this morning‚Ķthat’s an insane amount I will be gaining right back hopefully.
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It much easier today and i’m not really caring about food while I’m at work or working. Note to self, stop looking at food blogs.¬†
I’m feeling ok clear&focused&positive. Also it is officially day 2 of no herb.¬†
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Spent all day working, was focused so I didn’t think about food too much at all, until I got home of course. Throughout the day I felt like a sore throat was coming on, but later realized it was the roof of my mouth that felt odd. I didn’t think much of it and thought it would go away in the morning but it didn’t.
Day 8
This morning I woke up and my mouth was still sore, I skipped the salt flush as I was up late in the night with severe cramping yet again from the laxative tea. I also weighed in at 130 lbs this morning…
The roof of my mouth is actually quite painful especially with every sip of juice.
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I’ve come to the conclusion that the pain in the roof of my mouth is due to the lemon and cayenne pepper eating away at it causing irritation and swelling and tenderness. Therefore, ¬†I think it’s best that I quit while I’m ahead. I think today will have to be my last day on the cleanse. I’ve proved to myself I’m perfectly capable of controlling my urges and desires for food. I’ve proven that I’m capable of discipline and that I am one determined motherfucker. Sometimes the food cravings and urges were a little more difficult than other times but overall it has had a positive effect. It’s definitely doable and I could have def lasted for another two days but this is painful and I’m trying to teach myself to not be stubborn and listen to my body.
Listening to my body is something I have not been doing and how I’ve been ending up injured so often. My stubbornness combined with my competitiveness leads to injury in a nutshell. So I’m safely going to back out of finishing the rest of the cleanse.
The important thing is that I’ve stayed positive throughout, been able to push myself, and have stayed committed for as long as I could. Had I quit sooner for the sake of missing food and not being able to handle it I would have been upset with myself. Because I know I could handle it. But my reasoning is fair game and I’m very happy with myself.
I will continue with the laxative tea for just tonight, this time I’m going to take it way earlier as I have a long day ahead tomorrow morning.
Needless to say, my grandma is overjoyed with my news of ending this famine we are on speaking terms again. Yes, she has been avoiding me since I started. 
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Yup, confirmed that I am tapping out of this cleanse. As far as not eating a solid meal goes, I’m definitely passed the point of caving in to it. I can be around it and I don’t have to tell myself to relax or sit on my hands or think happy thoughts or anything. If the food is there, cool, I’m doing me and you do you. so go ahead and eat it. I can easily say I could have lasted for another two whole days no sweat. I’m worried about my health if this happened out of the blue to the roof of my mouth I don’t want anything else to happen. I need vitamins and minerals and a healthy dose of them.
Conclusion:
Cravings are just cravings.
My skin is glowing. Im feeling lighter. I’m having an easier time getting up in the morning‚Ķbut don’t be fooled, still not a morning person.
I’ve shrunk a couple sizes. Total weight lost from day 5: 11 lbs. Total weight lost from day 1: approximately 17 lbs. holy fuck‚Ķ¬†
I’ve detoxed a majority of the chemicals I’ve ingested‚Ķhopefully.
I’m in a really positive head space, and eager to get going on my next health projects.
I have not been angry, have not had a temper, have not been sassy‚Ķsafe to say I’m feeling the euphoria of a cleanse.
I will now get back into my good old healthy eating habits that consist of cutting gluten as it makes me bloat to the uncomfortable size of pregnant woman, and making all of my meals from scratch with as little to no processed foods. Limiting my dairy/cheese intake. Smoothies and oatmeal in the morning, salads/eggs for lunch, and solid meal for dinner with fruit or veg or nuts in between.
I will also stay away from the bad stuff but continue to inhale that good good.
Git it.